M&M's: The Theory of EvolutionWhenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.To this end, I hold M&M duels.Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.
That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.
The winner gets to go another round.I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.
I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.
Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.
Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
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